There’s something heavenly in me.
Two weeks in a row now I have been under pressure and in a moment of prayerful decision making decided to skip my usual midweek service. Then two weeks now despite continued efforts I have found my self at church.
Up until the very moment before I walk in the door I feel conflicted. I feel like im irresponsible and wasting time. But then when I walk into the worship service I know im doing something ultimately worthwhile and im at peace. On my way to church I logically try to decide if worship and fellowship are more important then perhaps house cleaning or hw or work or sleep. And yet once im in that service I know im fulfilled. I know im successful. I know that God has plans for me on this earth but one day I know I will just praise Him and im made for it!
The best part is that these last two weeks its been such a victory against the odds. Often I feel a little hesitant and even guilty about taking time out of my week to Go and worship. But the last two weeks I’ve literally prayed for guidance and decided not to Go. In these moments when im trying to decide between these passions im desperate, I want to please God. I want to worship Him in song and deed. But I also feel draws to be a responsible son, student, roomy, brother, employee, man. This desire at times can feel just prideful and fleshly but often it draws on me spiritually aswell. In these times I feel crushed not knowing what God wants. Short sighted I have convinced myself that the service isn’t important and that these long term goals are.
I was totally wrong. Both of the services have totally changed my life. GOD has encountered me at both and each time, twice now im just blown away that I would have chosen to miss this. Then I remember that I didn’t. Somehow….. a small part of my heart, the underdog managed to get me to the service. Its just so radical if you really slow down and realize what im saying.
Have you ever been battling with you evil desires. Knowing what the Word says you should do, knowing the stakes, have you prayed for guidance, strength and help. Then have you decided to not fall, to resist the temptation to pick up your cross. Have you? Have you ever done all those things and then somehow found yourself sitting in your sin, confused. Wondering how did I get here. Telling yourself you decided to go the other way. Have you ever been there?
I know I have.
Now invert the situation. Some how you have been tricked to fight against your good desires, and you decide to sin, you even ask for strength to do this. But then you find your self safe, out of harms way. And you ask how? Confused, you had decided to sin yet you didn’t. Who saved you, what’d stopped you, what magical force deterred you entirely from what you desired so much.
How great would it be if that happened, how great would it be if your desires were greater then your will power and they we’re Gods desires. Idk what this all means theologically, but its happening to me. I think of the verse that says His spirit will testify with your spirit that we are His. Im ecstatic guys, the holy spirit is on my side and its so obvious i can’t ignore it. He’s inside of me, now I can just yield. A
This is some thing great, I just wanted to testify.