Graduating Debt Free, Waiting for the One, building foundations slowly, jesus is it worth it?
SO I know graduating debt free will be fantastic, but atm im sick with working and going to school. I’d rather pick one or the other. I’d rather just quit my job and bite the bullet take the debt and finish this thing up in a year. ohwell, im young for a reason. I guess ill just give up sleep for a few weeks. I can do this, hopefully its worth it.
Oh lord help me, I want to stay financially free serving only you and being able to jump to your requests. but at times.. i feel like a failure. what its all worth. I want to be with my family for thanksgiving, i’d like a day job where people dont hate me and im constantly fighting my coworkers and housemates and friends. I want to be out adventuring im almost twenty for heavens sake. time only moves faster. I know i should give up my life and be patient with you lord…… you have perfect timing and i cant age my self out of your goodness or promises. but im just feeling less then extraordinary lately, an i feel like two and a half more years of this is just terrifying. God give me the faith to believe in the harvest. give me the obedience to walk in faith towards an invisible bounty.
God you know i desire a wife. and if you give me one i know i’ll be well pleased. God im lonely and theres so many others out there who are also lonely. Why not just convince one of them to stop being lonely and be with me. Is waiting in this loneliness worth it? she lonely and hes lonely and they are lonely. I could make her less lonely, but then we will both know what its like to not be lonely. Like tasting the forbidden fruit what will keep her with me, why wouldnt she choose to make someone else who is lonely hers and leave me lonely again? God how do i find that person who would rather be lonely for me then with anyone else? That one, id give everything to make not lonely. but i sware im so ready to vanquish this loneliness. I say that im ready, but then i doubt. am i ? can i? Lord discipline me in this and guide my heart. Teach me how to respond properly in your spirit while i walk, lonely or not.
open my eyes to that good place you have put me in. Take away my spirit of unrest, and lust for different things. Rebuke the devil from my presence, bind his words from my mind and ear and cast the many lies of my heaviness from me. Save me Lord. For I will not forsake you. Surely Jesus, i repent of my doubts. Give me more grace and help me to grow mightier so that i might boast louder for your glory.
I apologize for my impatience Lord. If you are willing, you can heal me.
I apologize for my frustration and petty angers Lord. If you are willing you can heal me!
I apologize for my pride and lusts Lord. Most Precious Jesus, if you are willing you can heal me.
Lord I desire to ask for more passion for purity. I desire to ask for more humility, that of a proper servant.
Lord I desire to ask for a hunger for the plans of your kingdom.
Give me eyes that see the cross in its proper light. Give me eyes to see the bountiful rewards of obeying your precepts. Teach me to love your instruction and be better at listening to you despite the onlookers.